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Series

Two and a Half Men

200312 seasons

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Synopsis

A hedonistic jingle writer's free-wheeling life comes to an abrupt halt when his brother and 10-year-old nephew move into his beach-front house.

Episodes

Seasons & episodes

12 seasons

Pilot

1. Pilot

Sep 22, 2003 23 min

Carefree jingle writer Charlie Harper has his lifestyle altered when his uptight brother and his 10-year-old nephew move in with him.

Big Flappy Bastards

2. Big Flappy Bastards

Sep 29, 2003 21 min

Despite warnings from Charlie, Jake continues to feed seagulls on the deck and the birds invade the house. Meanwhile, Charlie thinks Judith is taking advantage of Alan, who keeps going to her house to fix things.

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

3. Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell

Oct 5, 2003 21 min

Jake wants to go home to his mom after he gets sick, prompting Alan to think he's a failure as a husband and now as a father.

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

4. If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap

Oct 12, 2003 21 min

Charlie can't function when his housekeeper storms off because of Alan's constant complaints, so Alan tries desperately to woo her back. Meanwhile, Rose comes to Charlie for dating advice.

The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

5. The Last Thing You Want Is to Wind Up with a Hump

Oct 19, 2003 19 min

Alan and Charlie have encounters with some highly libidinous soccer moms, but with two very different outcomes.

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

6. Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?

Oct 26, 2003 21 min

The guys go to Evelyn's house to meet the new man she's dating, and Charlie realizes the man's daughter is a woman he's trying to avoid.

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

7. If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake

Nov 2, 2003 21 min

Judith is upset with Alan and Charlie when she learns that a surfer who uses Charlie's shower walks around half naked in front of Jake . Then Alan's worried when Judith and the surfer become friends.

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

8. Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snoot-Ful

Nov 9, 2003 19 min

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Phase One, Complete

9. Phase One, Complete

Nov 15, 2003 21 min

Charlie is convinced that a woman who spent the night with him wants to turn their relationship into something serious after she befriends Jake and Evelyn.

Merry Thanksgiving

10. Merry Thanksgiving

Nov 23, 2003 21 min

Realizing he's losing someone special, Charlie plans a Thanksgiving dinner to convince her he's a family guy and that she should be with him.

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

11. Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor

Dec 14, 2003 20 min

When Alan is surprised to see that Judith has had a makeover and is dating a man, he decides to have Charlie help him transform his image.

Camel Filters and Pheromones

12. Camel Filters and Pheromones

Jan 4, 2004 21 min

Berta's granddaughter spends the day at Charlie's, which isn't a problem until he learns she's a beautiful, rebellious 16-year-old.

Sarah Like Puny Alan

13. Sarah Like Puny Alan

Jan 10, 2004 20 min

Charlie nurses an ailing Alan back to health so they can go on a double date with two sisters, one of whom Charlie's been wanting to date for a long time.

I Can't Afford Hyenas

14. I Can't Afford Hyenas

Feb 1, 2004 21 min

Charlie's financial manager informs the carefree jingle writer that he spends money faster than his royalty checks come in, and now he must go on a budget.

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

15. Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick

Feb 8, 2004 21 min

Charlie invites a mysterious, slightly crazed woman to stay at the house until she can settle some family problems.

That Was Saliva, Alan

16. That Was Saliva, Alan

Feb 15, 2004 21 min

Charlie is perplexed when Frankie, the mysterious woman temporarily living in the Harper household, begins falling for Alan and not him.

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

17. Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats

Feb 22, 2004 20 min

Charlie's still brooding over Alan's choice of their cousin as Jake's guardian if both parents die when the boy has an accident while in his care and has to be rushed to the hospital.

An Old Flame with a New Wick

18. An Old Flame with a New Wick

Feb 29, 2004 21 min

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

19. I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You

Mar 21, 2004 19 min

Judith's devious siren sister stirs things up at Jake's 11th birthday party when she hits on Alan. Meanwhile, Evelyn brings alcohol and has a party of her own.

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

20. Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark

Apr 18, 2004 21 min

Jake's sullen mood baffles and bothers the family and prompts Alan and Judith to take him to a child psychologist.

No Sniffing, No Wowing

21. No Sniffing, No Wowing

May 2, 2004 21 min

Charlie plays a tricky game when he gets involved with Alan's divorce lawyer, who could make things difficult for Alan if she were, say, dumped by a self-centered lothario.

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

22. My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet

May 9, 2004 21 min

When Charlie discovers that Alan is sleepwalking, he believes it's related to his brother's lack of sex following his divorce, and comes up with a cure.

Just Like Buffalo

23. Just Like Buffalo

May 16, 2004 21 min

When Jake repeats one of Charlie's sexist remarks in front of Judith's support group, the women convince Judith to stop Jake's visits with his dad and Charlie.

Can You Feel My Finger?

24. Can You Feel My Finger?

May 23, 2004 21 min

Charlie has a pregnancy scare involving one of his one-night stands and decides to go for the big "V," and we're not talking Vegas.

Ensemble

Cast

Ashton Kutcher

Ashton Kutcher

Walden Schmidt

Jon Cryer

Jon Cryer

Alan Harper

Conchata Ferrell

Conchata Ferrell

Berta

Production

The details

Release

2003

Seasons

12 seasons

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